Hello everyone,
I finally have returned home!! I have been in the hospital that Ben was calling the office, Deneen was calling it the hotel. Geez, it was getting ridiculous. I have to say I am so glad to be out of there. My mom has been here for two weeks and will be here until Tuesday helping out. That has been really great. Since I have been home I have been able to get some things organized, things in order, some exercise. I finally feel like there is something for me to do.
I won't bore with too many of the medical details, and I am sure that Ben has kept everyone informed, but the main problem was a pulmonary embolism, which means the clots from my leg broke off and went into my lungs. Should've killed me but somehow I walked into that ER on my own volition and let them take over from there...for what seemed like forever.
I really shouldn't make it sound that terrible. My nurses and techs were and are some of the most amazing women and men you could ever hope to meet. Robin, Jenny, Rina, Candace. They are just to name a few who helped me through everyday. This is not just by giving me my pills and taking my blood pressure, but by comforting me. By giving me faith that I would e able to fight this. They didn't even have to say this, it was just a feeling I got from them. One of them said, "we all say you don't belong in here." You know that I also have my damn pride and I want to make sure I don't sound like I am being a wimp, and Robin said that I was one of the sickest patients (just had the most going on), but was the fun room to spend time in. I was worried if they just believed I was strong, they wouldn't know how serious things are. She assured me that was not the case.
I have run into some rare crap which makes everything extremely difficult. Of course we are fighting the insurance, but on top of that the meds I need are about 150 per 3 days. Leave it up to me!!
Enough of the crap...there has been so much else going on. Since I have been home (and I have a filter in my vein now so I shouldn't throw anymore clots which makes me more mobile. So I had chemo on Tuesday, then laid in bed for two days, then by Friday, we were on our way. We went to the mall, I fell out of my wheelchair, that was pretty funny, no major injuries! Then we lost the car and were wandering around the parking lot in the rain looking for the car. (this is me and my mom). Deneen saved the day and led us to the car, mom ran. Yeahhhh for quitting smoking!! I was able to get a bunch of exercise by pushing the wheelchair around, then when I got tired, I just hopped in.
Then yesterday we went to Office Depot and Target to get some organizational things. Geez, I have been on a mission to get things in order after being away for so long. I feels like a real homecoming. I really want to stay out of the hospital.
Other than that, I have just been needlepointing and keeping my hands busy. It is really helpful. I have lots to work on!!
The final thing I am going to say for now is that I got a new doctor. I am kind of unsure how it even happened. My dr. was out of town and Dr. Otero just happened to fill in. He is so amazing. His bedside manner is amazing, I feel like he is part of the team. He said, that he thinks about what it would be like if he was in my position and then treats his patients from that perspective. Like Lane said, a phenomenological doctor, how rare is that!! Or should I just say empathetic. When we saw me for chemo he lit up and said I looked great--that the numbers are one thing, but as a physician it is great to see his patients looking so much better (or something like that). He also commented on the lymphnodes on my neck, that they have diminished in the last week.
This is it everyone...the last chemo didn't work. He's got me on a new aggressive one, so pray for me good and hard that my numbers keep moving in the right direction! (Already 2 of my liver functions are in the normal range!!
It is going to continue to be a long fight, but I feel like i am in a much better place to fight.
I love you all and appreciated all the cards and gifts I returned to when I got home. I feel all the love and prayers, please keep them coming, I can't do this without everybody.
Love,
Angel
9 comments:
You're amazing, Angel!! I'm so glad to see you're posting again! Tha mall story made me laugh out loud - too funny! (glad you didn't get hurt, of course)
I will continue to pray for you!
Only a few more weeks until your Kris Karr DVD arrives - yay!!!
Love ya,
Sarah
We get all the updates from Toni and the last update was the best. Keep it up! You are in our prayers every night. Especially on Sundays when we (okay, Ian) lights a candle for you at church. He doesn't let me forget. You are forever known as "Toni's friend named Angel!" Take care
Gina, Anthony and Ian (Lucas too)
Angel,
Thank you for your blog. Your words and attitude are a beacon of strength for me. I am continually amazed by your courage. From the few times we've met I gathered that you would respond this way but it is inspiring to hear you continue to strive for happiness and life.
I think of you and ben often in my day to day life and draw strength from your example. My best,
bryan morris
This is the best news this year! Way to go Angel, you are a heck of a strong woman...
We love you and will continue to keep you both in our thoughts and prayers.
Way to go Girl! This is the best news this year! We will continue to pray for you and keep you in our thoughts!
Hi Angel,
i'm thinking erveryday of you and i'm trying to catch up your blog... Of course i'm able to read english but it's a bit more complicated for me with that medical details and stuff, so it's kind of a little homework for me... I'm working much at the moment for german television on our berlin based film festival Berlinal 2008 and we're planning a documentary about people with bipolar disorder--- Perhaps you can aid me with some professional tips... ;-)
Greetz and Kisses,
David
Hey sweet girl, Its nice to see your new post. I talked with your mom for quite a while today and got filled in on the past couple of weeks. What a roller coaster!
I read something the other day that made me think. This woman said she quit calling it a "battle with cancer" and started calling it a "cancer experience." It seemed to equalize things and take as much negativity out of her life as possible. Your experience can give you the wisdom of cancer, as you said earlier, or deplete you of energy with a "battle." I'm not in your shoes, but I think "an experience" might be easier for me to handle than a "battle." Are there enough quotation marks in this post? hahahahahahaha
Sending love and energy....a package is on the way to you....
xoxooxox
Amy
Hi Angel! I am Robin and Amy's niece, Aubrey. To be totally honest I am not sure we've met..hah! Or maybe we did and I was too young to completely remember....Regardless, I have been hearing so much about u and your incredible courage and strength!! I just wanted to tell u that I have been sending strong healing vibes and prayers your way! oxoxox You're an inspiration!
I don't exactly know how to start this? so, i'll just start. I am proud of you for your fight, you've always been a fighter, I believe you will defeat this as well. I keep hearing about you, your in the corner of my mind and im in your corner if you should ever need me. I just wanted to say that, whatever it's worth. I have nothing but good intentions and positive energy going out to you.
MUCH LOVE & LIGHT
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